english 101 se|sg fa25 kkc\nthesis critique: is it readable?\nread the thesis statements below and suggest…

english 101 se|sg fa25 kkc\nthesis critique: is it readable?\nread the thesis statements below and suggest two strengths and/or weaknesses for each of them. then, rewrite one sentence with the goal of improving it.\nexample: my instructor should change his attendance policy because its rules lead to bad consequences for students.\ncritique 1 (weakness): the sentences argument relies on the word \bad,\ which remains undefined in the sentence and, therefore, hides the exact concern being discussed.\ncritique 2 (strength): the sentence takes on a definitive stance/side, so the reader knows how the writer feels about the attendance policy.\nrewrite: my instructor should change his attendance policy because it is unreasonable, inflexible, and unfair.\n(note: this also provides \forecasting\ of the paragraph topics: body paragraph 1 will be about how it is unreasonable, 2 about how it is inflexible, and 3 about how it is unfair.)\n1. social networking sites like facebook can be detrimental to relationships and job prospects, and can promote criminal activity.\ncritique 1:\ncritique 2:\n2. college students should be careful what they put on their social media profiles.\ncritique 1:\ncritique 2:\n3. i plan to explore why for many college students, a community college makes more sense than a four-year college or university.\ncritique 1:\ncritique 2:

english 101 se|sg fa25 kkc\nthesis critique: is it readable?\nread the thesis statements below and suggest two strengths and/or weaknesses for each of them. then, rewrite one sentence with the goal of improving it.\nexample: my instructor should change his attendance policy because its rules lead to bad consequences for students.\ncritique 1 (weakness): the sentences argument relies on the word \bad,\ which remains undefined in the sentence and, therefore, hides the exact concern being discussed.\ncritique 2 (strength): the sentence takes on a definitive stance/side, so the reader knows how the writer feels about the attendance policy.\nrewrite: my instructor should change his attendance policy because it is unreasonable, inflexible, and unfair.\n(note: this also provides \forecasting\ of the paragraph topics: body paragraph 1 will be about how it is unreasonable, 2 about how it is inflexible, and 3 about how it is unfair.)\n1. social networking sites like facebook can be detrimental to relationships and job prospects, and can promote criminal activity.\ncritique 1:\ncritique 2:\n2. college students should be careful what they put on their social media profiles.\ncritique 1:\ncritique 2:\n3. i plan to explore why for many college students, a community college makes more sense than a four-year college or university.\ncritique 1:\ncritique 2:

Answer

Brief Explanations:

For Statement 1: "Social networking sites like Facebook can be detrimental to relationships and job prospects, and can promote criminal activity."

  • Critique 1 (Weakness): The statement is too broad. It doesn't specify how social networking sites are detrimental to relationships (e.g., through miscommunication, jealousy - inducing posts) or job prospects (e.g., unprofessional content on profiles). Also, the claim about promoting criminal activity is vague without examples like cyberbullying as a form of criminal - related harm on such sites.
  • Critique 2 (Strength): It takes a clear stance against social networking sites (at least in the aspects mentioned), which is a necessary element of a thesis statement as it gives a direction for the argument.

For Statement 2: "College students should be careful what they put on their social media profiles."

  • Critique 1 (Weakness): It is a bit too general. It doesn't mention why college students specifically (as opposed to other age groups) should be careful. Are there unique risks for college students like potential negative impacts on internships or campus reputation?
  • Critique 2 (Strength): It is a concise and actionable statement. It gives a clear directive that can be expanded upon in an essay (e.g., discussing the types of content to avoid, the consequences of not being careful).

For Statement 3: "I plan to explore why for many college students, a community college makes more sense than a four - year college or university."

  • Critique 1 (Weakness): Using "I plan to explore" makes it more of a research intention rather than a strong thesis statement. A thesis should make a claim, not just state an exploration.
  • Critique 2 (Strength): It identifies a comparison (community college vs. four - year institutions) which is a good basis for an argument. It also focuses on a specific group (many college students), which can make the argument more targeted.

Answer:

For Statement 1:

  • Critique 1: Vague claims (no specific examples of detriment or criminal promotion).
  • Critique 2: Clear stance against social networking sites (in mentioned aspects).

For Statement 2:

  • Critique 1: General (no focus on why college students specifically).
  • Critique 2: Concise and actionable.

For Statement 3:

  • Critique 1: Research intention (not a strong claim).
  • Critique 2: Identifies a comparison and a target group.