read the introduction to a personal statement. (1) usually, when people talk about “rocky” relationships…

read the introduction to a personal statement. (1) usually, when people talk about “rocky” relationships, it’s with a frown, but mine has enriched my life. (2) i became fascinated with rocks when i was really young, and throughout my childhood you could usually find me with my pockets bulging from whatever stony treasures i’d scavenged that day. (3) when my science teacher taught us a unit on geology, i realized that my fascination could become an exciting career that could also help me make good money. (4) obtaining an internship to work on the geological exhibit at the museum is an important step on my road to being a geologist. why does the writer need to revise the personal statement? sentence 1 should include the writer’s first name. sentence 2 should state what the essay prompt was. sentence 3 should avoid mentioning money. sentence 4 should avoid the extreme opinion.

read the introduction to a personal statement. (1) usually, when people talk about “rocky” relationships, it’s with a frown, but mine has enriched my life. (2) i became fascinated with rocks when i was really young, and throughout my childhood you could usually find me with my pockets bulging from whatever stony treasures i’d scavenged that day. (3) when my science teacher taught us a unit on geology, i realized that my fascination could become an exciting career that could also help me make good money. (4) obtaining an internship to work on the geological exhibit at the museum is an important step on my road to being a geologist. why does the writer need to revise the personal statement? sentence 1 should include the writer’s first name. sentence 2 should state what the essay prompt was. sentence 3 should avoid mentioning money. sentence 4 should avoid the extreme opinion.

Answer

Brief Explanations:

In a personal statement, extreme opinions can seem unbalanced. Sentence 4 presents obtaining an internship as an "important step" in an extreme - sounding way. It may come across as over - emphatic. The other options are not valid reasons for revision. Sentence 1 doesn't need the writer's first name, sentence 2 doesn't have to state the essay prompt, and sentence 3's mention of money isn't the main issue.

Answer:

Sentence 4 should avoid the extreme opinion.