Question

one of the three sisters is mysterious because of her hands, ability to read minds, and magical powers. (good thesis statement.)the sister is mysterious because of her hands looking different from normal people. her hands were described as looking like porcelain, her blue veins being clearly visible. normal peoples veins in their hands are hardly visible, while the veins of the sisters hands were clearly visible. its because of this distinction between normal peoples hands and the sisters hands that shows us how different her hands are. the difference of her hands compared to normal people gives us a feeling of mysteriousness in her appearance. good job staying on topic and reinforcing your evidence. overall elaboration is good but try to make a clear and simple cs cause mcmillan likes simple cs and puts the opinion in the cs too.the sister is mysterious because she can read minds. when the sister asked esperanza to make a wish, she touched esperanzas face and told her, \when you leave you must remember to come back for the others.\ esperanza felt as if the sister read her mind because she made a selfish wish, likely about leaving mango street, and the sister told her to remember to come back. the sister telling esperanza to remember to come back after esperanza made her wish of wanting to leave mango streets tells us that the sister can read minds. the sister being able to read minds add on to her mysteriousness, giving us a feeling of uncertainty about what the sister means about esperanza coming back.good direction of not going off topic and giving more evidence and reasons for info.the sister is mysterious because of her magical powers. when esperanza turned around, the sisters waved in a smoky way, then esperanza didnt see them again. esperanza not seeing them shows us that the sisters disappeared unknowingly like magic. the sisters waving to esperanza then disappearing tells us that they have magical powers. because of these magical powers, it shows us that the sisters are all the more mysterious.

Explanation:

This is a literary analysis draft focused on a character from The House on Mango Street. The feedback notes that the thesis is strong, the evidence for the sister's mysterious traits (unusual hands, mind-reading, magical powers) is well-supported, and the analysis stays on topic. Key suggested revisions include creating clear, simple concluding sentences (CS) that also include the writer's opinion, as per the instructor's preference.

Answer:

Revised draft with clear, opinion-integrated concluding sentences (CS):
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One of the three sisters is mysterious because of her hands, ability to read minds, and magical powers.

The sister is mysterious because of her hands looking different from normal people. Her hands were described as looking like porcelain, her blue veins being clearly visible. Normal people's veins in their hands are hardly visible, while the veins of the sister's hands were clearly visible. It's because of this distinction between normal people's hands and the sister's hands that shows us how different her hands are.
CS: This uncanny, otherworldly hand appearance makes her feel eerie and unapproachable.

The sister is mysterious because she can read minds. When the sister asked Esperanza to make a wish, she touched Esperanza's face and told her, "When you leave you must remember to come back for the others." Esperanza felt as if the sister read her mind because she made a selfish wish, likely about leaving Mango Street, and the sister told her to remember to come back. The sister telling Esperanza to remember to come back after Esperanza made her wish of wanting to leave Mango Streets tells us that the sister can read minds.
CS: This mind-reading ability makes her feel omniscient and deeply unsettling.

The sister is mysterious because of her magical powers. When Esperanza turned around, the sisters waved in a smoky way, then Esperanza didn't see them again. Esperanza not seeing them shows us that the sisters disappeared unknowingly, like magic. The sisters waving to Esperanza then disappearing tells us that they have magical powers.
CS: Their sudden, magical disappearance cements their aura of unknowable mystery.